So, I am Presbyterian.This is not really an important thing in my book (the important part being that I love Jesus), but it's important to this blog, because ...well, Presbyterians don't have acolytes.
Occasionally we don't go to our own church on Sundays. My Dad is a retired minister who occasionally is still called upon to fill in for other pastors. My kids are very used to big churches, like ours, as well as teensy churches, like most of the ones out where my Dad preaches.
My oldest, Lucy, has been inducted into the acolyte club on previous trips to these country churches. However, Clyde, has never been invited.....till today. Stephen and I weren't sure how we felt about this. I mean....fire. And Clyde. Um....well. You see, there are a lot of old people in this church who might not be able to escape quickly.
Well, WE weren't exactly asked what we thought. Clyde was escorted to the rear and given his acolyte...thingy. I rushed back there and explained to him what to do if the flame got really big and smokey. I told him to walk slowly or the flame might go out.
See, Lucy's first experience doing this was fresh in my brain. Her flame went out 2 times! She was embarrassed. I wasn't sure how Clyde would handle embarrassment.
So the music starts...it's out of my hands. I'm sitting near the front. Clyde starts walking from the back. Very. Very. Very .............SLOWLY! I mean bridesmaids everywhere would have been impressed with his slow, steady, um....walk? down the aisle.
I'm hearing chuckles from the amused elderly ladies. They mention how cute he is. The pianist is patiently playing the 4th or 5th verse and he's halfway down the aisle.
I thought I was imagining his flame getting smaller and smaller. Nope. It really was NOT my imagination.
My normally exuberant boy finally arrives to the front of the sanctuary. He tries to light the first candle. nope. tries again. nope. tries again and again.
The flame goes out.
A man meets me in the middle of the aisle to pass the lighter to me. I carry the lighter to the front of the church and struggle to light it. It lights. I light Clyde's wick and scurry to my seat. He proceeds to perform the slowest lighting of two candles imaginable.
He finishes. He turns around. THE ENTIRE CONGREGATION CLAPS! I am not joking. This has never happened before. Are they clapping cause he was cute? or cause he's finally done?
Then I remember. He has to go back up there after the sermon.
